The Pursuit Of Happiness
As you start to look at your life, you question whether you are content within yourself. What you usually ask yourself is whether you are happy. For most of you, if you are honest, the answer will be no, or that at least in some areas you could be happier. We can all relate to that.
For some of you, this then begins the journey of self reflection, leading to self-exploration, uncovering issues, and heading in the direction of self-healing. All the while, hoping that the ultimate destination will be fulfillment – which comes from self -awareness, self-acceptance and taken that step further into self-responsibility for changing your own life into the picture you want it to be. You then finally arrive in the mythical land of self-love!
As we continue to uncover our inner selves on this path of self-healing, we can become more and more aware of our discontent, and it can become apparent that there is a great deal of pain and unhappiness deep within us, which we were either unaware of, or did not want to feel.
The further we go into this pain, the further we appear to depart from the happiness we were originally seeking. If we choose to go right into those deep wounds, we can spend a long time feeling the pain that we have stored inside of us, not only from parts of life we recall, but it is also possible, that it comes from long forgotten times. For this reason, I do not recommend trying to figure out what it is, because that can really waste time, money and energy. healing something is simply about feeling it, and letting it go.
As you go through this process, remember what it was that made you begin it. Remember, that you were not satisfied with the life you were living, or the way you were feeling. Remember that the process of healing involves first feeling, and then letting go of the pain stored within you. Healing something is generally a process, not a single event.
Some people can fall into the trap of judging themselves, as not having got to where they were trying to get to soon enough, and they can start to feel like a failure, or that they are not doing things right. If your life has not changed in the ways you have wanted it to, ask yourself if you have been waiting for someone else to change it for you. Regardless of whether you are waiting for them to become a different person themselves, or you’ve waited for them to actually change your life – both are a recipe for staying stuck exactly where you don’t want to be.
Understand that we are who we are, and we feel what we feel. This can be so very different to others, even to family members who grew up with the same influences as we did. We are not all the same.
Whatever we feel, whoever we are, and whatever we are experiencing, is all perfect for us at that moment in time. We are what we are, and each feeling, each experience, is as valid as the next. No matter what you are feeling, as long as you are feeling something, you are experiencing life.
Life is not about us feeling we must do this or must do that, it is not about being trapped in a cage, paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decisions. We can do whatever we want to do, we just have to bear the consequences of those actions, including any karma they create. The journey of the self into the self, incorporates taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Making our own decisions about who we are and how we live our lives, is a very big part of this process.
Any experience we have is valid and we have the right to choose our own experiences, as well as how we relate to or react to those experiences. In your process of journeying towards self-love, there must also be allowing yourself to make the choices you wish to make, to have the experiences you wish to have, and to feel the full range of feelings that can be associated with life on this planet.
If you can let go of the judgement that attaches to the word happiness, and let go of expecting it to be a daily experience, especially once you decide to pursue your own healing journey, you can then start to perceive this as a journey, with all of the twists and turns that you come across on any journey. You can let go of judging whether you are being successful or not, measured by your level of happiness. When we decide to heal ourselves, it is because there is pain within us.
The process of healing involves feeling and releasing that pain. It is unreasonable to expect that healing is going to be anything but a painful journey, the only question is how long that that painful part will last. The answer to that question depends on the size of the issue that you encounter. If you find that your healing journey is long, then understand that it is because the issue you have found is large and deep. The bigger and deeper the wounds you encounter, the longer they take to work through, and the more difference this process will ultimately make in your life.
Do not lose heart if your journey is long and if you lose sight of happiness for quite some time. Remember that the issues you are dealing with may have taken lifetimes to become so entangled in your being. Such issues take time. Many people who have been on the treadmill of making sure they stay positive each day and reciting affirmations etc can be quite shocked initially to realise that all that positive energy in fact only exists for them on the surface. The depths of their being tell a very different story. I know this because it was true for me, and for others i have worked with.
When you have been on a healing road for a long time, if it is very deep healing requiring big change in your life, you may come, as I did, to hate having to answer the question – how are you? Personally, I felt that I just could not hear myself say one more time that I wasn’t good. I was so tired of that being my reality that I just avoided people so I didn’t have to have the conversation. Only people who choose to dive into their own dark and murky depths can truly understand what you may encounter there and how long it can take to emerge.
When someone asks you how you are, think outside the box. You don’t have to only choose from good or bad, you can say you have really found yourself. The journey towards self-love usually begins when people seek to find themselves. Understand that you have already done this, and you are allowing your inner self to determine the direction that journey now takes. Do not judge yourself by other people’s expectations. Do not let that be the ruler by which you measure your success.
If you find yourself doing a very deep dive into you and you need support from someone who truly understands the process, I am here for support as needed. Book an initial session, and from there we can work out whether you need regular ongoing help or just to touch base occasionally.